I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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