just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
