remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
