He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
