what day is it and did you see me today?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
