I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
