HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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