i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
