So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
