sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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