I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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