Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
3pm strippers are depressing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
