I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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