I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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