she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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