I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
