So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
