I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
