RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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