first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
