So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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