I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
