how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
