she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
