you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The Olympian is in my bed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
