No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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