now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize