Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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