what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
