wanna go halves on a baby?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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