I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
