K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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