All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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