his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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