I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
