She's JV to your varsity
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
