she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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