What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
