My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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