im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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