Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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