I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
