i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
