I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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