Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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