so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
