I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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