The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
