Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
