She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
