told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
