No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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