yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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