I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The power of my boobs compel you
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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