you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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