I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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