With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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