So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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