How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
