You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
