There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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